Translation

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Matthew 25:35: "For I was hungry and you told me, 'Get a job'"

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Tip/Wag - Cynthia Davis & Fox News
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Jeff Goldblum

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More rightwingnut thinking

Click image for larger view.
Click here for original comic.

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Colbert versus Graham

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
She Said, CIA Said - Bob Graham
colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Keyboard Cat

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Not your daddy's GOP

Okay, so, there are these "protests" across the country today. Seems some people have, all of a sudden, gotten all upset about "spending our children's (and children's children's) money."

Where the hell were they, say, 7 years ago? Oh, that's right. George W. Bush was president, the GOP had the majority in Congress, and major deficit spending wasn't a problem.

Also, do they have even the slightest clue what "tea bag" means?

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The "Right" Stuff

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Obama battles Darth Vader

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The Paliban

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Robin Williams on Barack Hussein Obama

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Roomba Cat

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Feline Technocal Support, Part II

In addition to last year's entry...

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The importance of nutmeg

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The Church of Jack Lord

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Faux News Reacts!

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Obama on The Daily Show

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Vote for McCain

See more Hayden Panettiere videos at Funny or Die

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Failed direction

see more pwn and owned pictures

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Les Misbarack

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How did GWB do?

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Bush or Batman?

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Let's look under the hood

What she said:



What was going on under the hood:

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BULLWINKLE ASSASSINATED!

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You own your own words

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I'm Thinkin' 'Bout Nailing' Sarah Palin

I'm Thinkin' 'Bout Nailing' Sarah Palin

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The Secret to Long Life

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What's She Doing?

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Relax... it is August 1st

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Zen Observations

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn , so if you're going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed...... Skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield.

13. Everyone seems fairly normal until you get to know them.

14. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

17. There are two theories to arguing with a woman - Neither one works.

18. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

19. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

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Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency

Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency

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Baby boomers: Born to be wild? Or ...

Bored…Tubby…Mild!
by Walt Handelsman
Click on image for animated toon.

Get your Motrin ready, Head out on a treadmill. The heating pad is warming, In case your herniated disk kills. We’re aging Boomers but refuse to show it, I just got implants and a tummy tuck. A triple bypass and two knee replacements, Getting old really sucks! I just took Viagra, Both the kids are out late. I’ll go get some Merlot, Let’s hope it won’t inflame your prostate. We’re Baby Boomers! The original rebels, Used to smoke pot but now we drink green tea. We tripped on acid, now we have acid reflux, We’re in the AARP! We were spoiled, pushy, wild, But now we’re bored, tubby and mild. We used to get so high, Now they call us spry!!! Bored…Tubby…Mild! Bored…Tubby…Mild!

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A Comedic Giant... Gone

Sadly, the world is now a less funny place...

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Carlin's Seven Words

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Carlin on Religion

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George Denis Patrick Carlin
1937-2008

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

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Making News...

Okay, so, this bird walks into a store...

A seagull in Marinette, Wisconsin has developed the habit of stealing snack chips from a neighborhood convenience store. The seagull waits until the manager isn't looking, and then walks into the store and grabs a snack-size bag of cheese Doritos. Once outside, the bag gets ripped open and shared by other birds. The seagull's shoplifting started early this month when he first swooped into the store and helped himself to a bag of Doritos. Since then he's become a regular. And he always takes the same type of chips. The Manager thinks it's great because people are coming to watch the feathered thief make the daily grab and run, and that's good for business, and especially since customers have begun paying for the seagull's stolen bags of chips because they think it's so funny. However, the Manager did say, "This is Wisconsin , and if that seagull starts to grab a 6-pac to go along with the Doritos, I may have to put a stop to it."

With thanks to my colleague, Brian Wolf, for forwarding this story along to me.

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The Fool on the Hill

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The face of terrorism in America

Rachael Ray and Dunkin' Dounts*

Click on image for Leonard Pitts' take on this.
* - in the paranoid world of Michelle Malkin, natch.

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Mr. and Mrs. John McLieberSame

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What do you think?

I was recently watching Star Trek: Insurrection, and it struck me that Ad'har Ru'afo looks a lot like John McCain. What do you think?

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Cats on a treadmill

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Bathroom Wall Wit and Wisdom

Sometimes a person can find nuggets of wit (and even wisdom) written on the walls of public bathrooms. In this most recent entry:

WWJD...

... for a Klondike bar?

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The Reason for $4.00 a gallon gasoline

From our friends at Democratic Underground, and the 336th edition of The Top Ten Conservative Idiots (in this case, #7, George W. Bush):

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For any studly guy...

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Always think ahead...

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Through the lens of history

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No St. Patrick's Day would be complete without...

... the potato song:



Happy Birthday, Frank!

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For St. Patrick's Day, 2008...

... an Irish DUI test:

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Eleven Tips on Getting More Efficiency Out of Women Employees

Blog Talk Radio Featured Host Brian Wolf had me in stitches when he read the following on tonight's broadcast of Shakedown Street:

Eleven Tips on Getting More Efficiency Out of Women Employees from the July 1943 edition of Mass Transportation Magazine 1. If you can get them, pick young married women. They have these advantages, according to the reports of western companies: they usually have more of a sense of responsibility than do their unmarried sisters; they're less likely to be flirtatious; as a rule, they need the work or they wouldn't be doing it — maybe a sick husband or one who's in the army; they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently. 2. When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Most transportation companies have found that older women who have never contacted the public, have a hard time adapting themselves, are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy. It's always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy. 3. While there are exceptions, of course, to this rule, general experience indicates that "husky" girls — those who are just a little on the heavy side — are likely to be more even-tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters. 4. Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination — one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit but also reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job. Transit companies that follow this practice report a surprising number of women turned down for nervous disorders. 5. In breaking in women who haven't previously done outside work, stress at the outset the importance of time — the fact that a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on schedules. Until this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slowed up. 6. Give the female employe in garage or office a definite day-long schedule of duties so that she'll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves. 7. Whenever possible, let the inside employe change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be nervous and they're happier with change. 8. Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. Companies that are already using large numbers of women stress the fact that you have to make some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and consequently is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day. 9. Be tactful in issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive; they can't shrug off harsh words the way that men do. Never ridicule a woman — it breaks her spirit and cuts her efficiency. 10. Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl's husband or father may swear vociferously, she'll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this. 11. Get enough size variety in operator uniforms that each girl can have a proper fit. This point can't be stressed too strongly as a means of keeping women happy, according to western properties.

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Sounds in nature

Have you ever heard the sound of a French existentialist seagull?

"PourQUOI!? PourQUOI!?"

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List of the Day: Great Olan Mills photos

From List of the Day:

Great Olan Mills photos

This is a must see/read for humor fans everywhere. Here's a sample:

Kenneth and his prom date.

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From the "I didn't know that" category...

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Mid-week thoughts...

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Third-Tier Pundits, Part 5

Goldberg Can't Explain His Own Book
by: Sam Boyd

The following clip of Jonah Goldberg being interviewed on the Daily Show should, I submit, convince anyone that Jonah Goldberg doesn't have any idea of what he's talking about. He gets numerous opportunities to explain why liberals aren't fascists and instead he just randomly combines words. I mean when the first thing you say when someone asks you why you think liberals are fascists is that the New Republic supported Mussolini in the 1920s you've made it clear that you don't actually have any evidence. This also just reinforces my point from the other day. Goldberg doesn't give a damn about fascism. He just wants to convince everyone that progressives are evil opressive racists and if that involves saying the environmental movement is fascist because some Nazis liked organic food then so be it. Equally damning is this Michael Ledeen review. Ledeen is a hard-right political scientist and pundit, but he's also an actual expert of fascism. His critique is all the more devastating because he so clearly didn't want to have to write it. The not-in-anger-but-in-sadness tone is incredibly effective.

NOTE: Excerpts from the Michael Ledeen review, mentioned above, can be found in my thread, Third-Tier Pundits, Part 4.

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Homosexuality is an attack on the American Family

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Happy New Year!

Don't send a lame Holiday eCard. Try JibJab Sendables!

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The Jolly Boots of Doom

"Bow down, bow down, before the power of Santa or be crushed, be crushed, by his jolly boots of doom!"

Thanks to Rev. Darko!

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Last minute Christmas suggestion

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Irrefutable Proof: We Did Not Go To The Moon

Or: Fighting stupidity with stupidity.

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Festivus, Part Two - The Human Fund

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Festivus, Part One

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The War on Christmas - Update!

Looks like it is going to get nasty now:

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Rudy's Latest Ad

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Fight them there... well, you know how that goes...

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Head Man's Mess

Click image for larger view

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From the "You can't make this up" category

This, from the official White House Web site:

BUSH: If anybody were to come to this center, they would have to leave inspired and thankful, inspired by the servicemen and women who are recovering from wounds with such courage; thankful that there are instructors and preachers and volunteers who are helping these people get back on their feet...

Thanks to Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 314 for originally posting this gem.

Nope, you can't make this up!

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Mr. Bean's War On Christmas: Nativity Battle Division

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Mukasey's New Office a Big Splash

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Diet Water

You just knew this was bound to happen, sooner or later:

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Typical Rightwing Know-it-all

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At the end of the rainbow...

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The War on Halloween-A report from the front

Just in time for Situation Awareness tomorrow Jesus' General (well, actually, Miss Poppy Dixon on Jesus' General) weighs in with...

The War on Halloween

Look for these amazing reports:

• Halloween Fun Family Prayer Adventures


• For every light brown M & M you chose, pray for Christians in other countries.


• I wonder where we toss the unbaptized beanie babies.


• Trunk or Treat

But the greatest has to be:


The Jesus Costume!From the article:

This is all marvelous progress, especially after last year's debacle. Donna Brewer, the Christian mother of a fourth grader, didn't want her son to feel isolated by not wearing a costume to the school's Halloween party, so she dressed him up like Jesus on the Via Dolorosa, complete with crown of thorns (though it looks more like he's getting highlights). The school objected to the crown of thorns, so the mother sued through James Dobson's Alliance Defense Fund. It seems the case has been dropped as there are no more mentions about it on the ADF website.

Whew! I sure am glad the "troops" are out there, fighting the War on Halloween!

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Wake-up Cat!

Cat owners can certainly appreciate this...



...just don't let your cat watch it!

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Priorities

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The General and the YAF

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

A Yellow Elephant's War Against The Jews

Kyle Bristow Chairman MSU Young Americans for Freedom Dear Chairman Bristow, I have a lot of respect for Young Americans for Freedom. YAF never backs down from controversy. Whether it's whites only scholarships, defending Coca-Cola from communism, holding "Support the Troops rallies" here so you don't have to fight with them over there, or funding Ann Coulter through speaking engagements so she can continue battling liberals, brown people, and Jews, YAF has always been there, standing up for white Christian conservative principles. I salute you for continuing this YAF tradition by inviting Nick Griffin to speak. Your bound to get a lot of criticism for it. The politically correct will no doubt rail against Griffin for referring to the Holocaust as the "Holohoax." And there will be others who will condemn him for writing The Mindbenders, his seminal work on Jewish control of the British media. You know it's going to happen. I think you should prepare for it by attacking them first. Call an emergency meeting of your YAF chapter and put your members to work identifying the Jews at MSU and in the local media. Then you can put out an East Lansing edition of The Mindbenders, so everyone knows who to persecute. It'll be worth the investment, especially as we approach the War on Christmas season. Heterosexually yours, Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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An early Halloween gift for you ...

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mAnn Colter "Perfected"

Click image for larger view.
Click here for original post on Maxim.

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The War on Christmas x3

Click image for larger view.
Click here for original post on Daily Kos.

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Unbelievable by Tom Tomorrow

Click image for large view.
Click here for original on Salon.com.
Click here for original Tom Tomorrow post

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Presidente Jorge W. Bush's new AMERO

Compliments of Grouchy Old Cripple in Atlanta
(with a tip o' the Tilley to CalifChris)

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Senator Craig, Really!!?!

glumbert - Senator Craig, Really!!?!

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The Total Package

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How 911 Changed Rudy's World on Jesus' General

Click image for original post on Jesus' General.

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Ancient Technical Support

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“The phony soldiers,” says Rush Limbaugh

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Have you ever felt like this? from Joe-ks.com

Click picture for larger image
Click here for original post on Joe-ks.com

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Feline Technical Support

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The Face of the Party of Traditional Family Values - Part II

A perfect follow-up to my original post on this subject.

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The Petraeus Cheerleading Squad...

... from this week's The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 306:

Number 3: The Petraeus Cheerleading Squad Oh, I'm sorry, have I been criticizing General Petraeus? Heaven forbid! The next thing you know, Rudy Giuliani will be running a full-page ad in the New York Times condemning me. Hey Rudy! You're an asshole! Now go run crying to Hillary Clinton and demand she apologize because I called you a rude name. Yes, last week Rudy Giuliani blamed Hillary Clinton for a MoveOn ad in the New York Times which read "General Petraeus or General Betray Us?" The ad was roundly denounced by conservatives. Apparently it's once again unpatriotic and un-American to suggest that we might want to think twice before blindly accepting the word of one of Gee-Dubya's generals, despite the obvious fact that if the guy was going to tell the truth Bush would have fired him ages ago. The funny thing is, these conservatives are always banging on about "learning the lessons of history." Well how about this? It only happened five years ago so everyone ought to remember it: Just in case you've forgotten, that was when another well-respected general gave a major speech to the U.N. Security Council which contained so much bullshit that the building had to be mucked out with shovels. Shortly after Colin Powell wagged his anthrax, the U.S. media were all aboard the shock-and-awe express and it wasn't long before we were racing to Baghdad. Here's how it works: Step One: Media goes ga-ga over Colin Powell and his WMD presentation to the U.N. Step Two: Media insists that Powell is an unimpeachable source and that anyone who criticizes him must love the terrorists. Step Three: Media demands that we must invade Iraq immediately before Saddam Hussein can drop anthrax down our chimneys. Step Four: U.S. invades Iraq. No WMD are found. Things quickly turn to shit. Step Five: Media wrings hands and spanks itself for getting swept up in war fever and not being critical enough of Powell. Step Six: Media goes ga-ga over David Petraeus and his report to Congress. Step Seven: Media insists that Petraeus is an unimpeachable source and that anyone who criticizes him must love the terrorists. Etc. etc. ad nauseam. But let's be fair to the media here. What's the likelihood that George W. Bush would send two well-respected generals to con the American people into going along with another one of his batshit crazy ideas? Surely that would be highly unlikely. After all, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, I must work for CNN. By the way, I hear that Gen. Petraeus is thinking of running for president in 2012. He should ask Colin Powell for tips. I remember when that guy used to be a shoo-in.

Nailed it!

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Nero-conservatives

I saw this posted on the Drudge Retort (Red Meat for Yellow Dogs), and thought it was a perfect description:

Hey gang, just though of a new term for those like Bowa that continue to support a strategy which diminishes the US' ability as a superpower: Nero-conservatives: Those when faced with the results of an ill-planned, ill-executed war of choice continue to erroneously cling to the fallacy that admitting error and removing our troops from a militarily impossible situation somehow equates to giving a "victory" to forces not even remotely in position to control the aggrieved country since the "enemy" is a natural foe for the majority regardless of US input whatsoever. Key mental picture: George W. Bush, slowly playing his violin as the humanitarian crisis, which is Iraq, rolls further and further into chaos for the people trying to survive the carnage and desperation of existence in a broken society. Posted by tonyroma at 2007-09-15 03:13 PM

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The John Doe Movement: You even get a button!

Meet John D'oh: Michelle Malkin is Watching You by Chris Kelly "We are coming to a new order of things. There's too much talk been going on in this country. Too many concessions have been made. What the American people need is an iron hand." -- Someone in Frank Capra's Meet John Doe, but Not the Good Guy Most Americans just rolled over and surrendered when Arab terrorists took over the government and the media, but not Michelle Malkin. She's fighting back. By starting a club. All you have to do to join is report everyone you see who seems to be a foreigner. Or who seems to tolerate foreigners. Or who may be thinking foreigner-tolerating thoughts. It's like the Junior Spies in 1984, only totally fun. (read the entire article)

Adobe Acrobat copy of Meet John D'oh: Michelle Malkin is Watching You

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Bush the Delusional

Bush on Iraq: "We're kicking ass" A day after the Government Accountability Office reported that the Iraqis have met just three of 18 benchmarks they had agreed to meet, George W. Bush offered a slightly rosier assessment of the war during his visit to Australia today. Asked by Deputy Prime Minister Mark Vaile to say how things are going in Iraq, the president of the United States declared: "We're kicking ass." -- Tim Grieve

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Penguin Tin Foil by David Ravenwood

Click image for larger view.
Click here for original post.

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Sooner or later...

... this was bound to happen:

(warning: adult-oriented
...and, no, it is not an ad for a Swedish automobile)

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Well...that certainly explains a lot!

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The Face of the Party of Traditional Family Values

from left to right: Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Larry Craig, David Vitter and Mark Foley

"Do Lewd Republicans Make The Usual Suspects?"
from PixelMarx
A Slightly Left Leaning Political Cartoon Blog

Click picture for larger view.
Click here for original post.

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In the Spotlight: Chickenhead

Welcome to In the Spotlight, a semi-regular feature of this blog, where I highlight one or more of the links on my personal Web site, www.HansMeyer.net.

Today I'll be highlighting Chickenhead, a source for some of the best humor on the Web:

First up, The Absolute Bottom 50... (Behold! Lists upon lists of the unimaginably horrible!). Here you will find lists like Biblical Commandments, Fetishes and (naturally) Blogs:

Next up, Comic Strip, two panes of absolute mirth,and "fascinating minutiae":


Then there's Bannertown (Welcome to Bannertown - where old Chickenhead parody advertisements go to die). In addition to the link I'm including some choice banners:




Finally, some Buddy Icons to close out this In The Spotlight:

That's Chickenhead, which can be found on my Humor page (go to www.HansMeyer.net/Links, then click on Humor). Click here for this and previous In The Spotlight posts.

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YearlyKos 2006 featuring Tom Tomorrow

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The First Bluetooth Headset

When broadcasting Situation Awareness I use a Motorola Bluetooth headset. This past Saturday I was wondering: Who used the first Bluetooth headset?

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Sparkman and the Blinkster! by Tom Tomorrow

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Plan 9 from Inside the Beltway by Tom Tomorrow

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In the Spotlight: LiLEKS.com

Welcome to In the Spotlight, a semi-regular feature of this blog, where I highlight one or more of the links on my personal Web site, www.HansMeyer.net.

Although we would probably disagree on politics, James Lileks (LiLEKS.com - Unpacking the Past With Joy and Ambivalence Since 1996) has some of the funniest Web pages on the Internet.


There really are too many different sites to individually highlight here, so I'll just go with a few of my favorites.


My first *ahem* taste of LiLEKS humor:


The Gobbler Motel and Supper Club (as Lileks says, "What were they thinking?"):


"Come for the fun; stay for the gigantic cat-eyed fangfish.":

"Class. Pure class. That's what the entire catalog ooses...":


From Lilek's Flotsam Project:


And one of my favorites:


Finally, the one which is probably nearest and dearest to a computer nerd like me:


You can find initial links to LiLEKS.com on my Humor page (go to www.HansMeyer.net/Links, then click on Humor). Click here for this and previous In The Spotlight posts.

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Iraq is Just Like Vietnam

© dhonig 2007
Click image for larger view
Click here for original post on Hypnocrites.

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