The Gospel According to George A.

Okay Christians, don't read any further. You're already convinced I'm going straight to Hell, and far be it from me to drag you down with me if you enjoy this.

Pilate washed the blood from his hands and sealed the fate of the Lord Jesus Christ.


Broken, bent and beaten, Jesus began the long walk with his cross amoung the stones and jeers of the collected Romans and Jews, taunting the Messiah as he stumbled thrice on the road to Golgotha.

And they tied his wrists and nailed his palms to the cross, erecting the massive wooden structure and letting him hang until dead.

In his anguish, the Lord cried out "My God! Why hast thou forsaken me?" and he passed unto death.

In the night, his disciples lowered him from the cross and entombed him in a cave on the mountain, sealing the entrance with a large boulder to prevent those who would defile the body of the Messiah.

Upon the third day, they returned to find the boulder moved and the burial shroud in a corner. They were afraid and angry. They went to the town to find those who had defiled the crypt and stolen the Lord.

On the road, in the morning's light, they happened upon a figure, walking naked with hair flowing. As they drew near, they knew it was he who is the Lord.

Simon-Peter ran to the Lord to embrace him.

And the lord said unto him "BRAINS...", and lo, did the Lord take a large bite out of Simon-Peter's skull.