I Really Need to Pay More Attention When I Order Things Online

I'm trying to learn Japanese. I've always found the language fascinating, even though I can't understand a bloody word of it.

So, I ordered one of those Learn Japanese While You're totally Shit-faced computer programs.

Well, it arrived in the mail today and I put it in.

Unfortunately, the entire thing has two very troublesome problems for me:

1. All the instructions are in Kanji. I don't understand spoken Japanese, how in the seven hells am I going to be able to understand written Japanese?

2. As it turns out, it doesn't really matter, since it is meant to teach you Japanese, but only if your primary language is bloody German.